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Zombie Speed 101: They are getting faster

They say the strong survive. How does that apply when you are dead? The Zombie Apocalypse is among us. What are your chances of making it?


It really depends on what types of Zombies you are “lucky” enough to encounter. It does look like our advantage of speed from the Zombies, and relying on running away from them may no longer work.



Night of the Living Dead


Released in 1968 and still one of the best guides to study to help you prepare for your impending doom. These Zombies still freak me out. However, I am pretty sure grandma could outrun these guys.


Dawn of the Dead


Released in 1978, Zombies actually got a little slower. Perhaps the lack of environmental laws protecting us (too much smog in the lungs), or maybe our Zombies were just a bit depressed from the recession hitting the world?


Whatever the case, these were our slowest moving Zombies.



Return of the Living Dead


These Zombies could move and are probably the first ones I do not want to encounter. Released in 1985, The Return of the Living Death not only gave us Zombies that could move, they were enhanced with strength and meanness.



Zombieland


Zombies didn’t slow down in the 2009 release of Zombieland. Woody Harrelson had to be in shape to fight these Zombies.

I realize that they were still walking, but it was a power walk. These Zombies never stopped to take a break, smell the roses, or stare at the sky.



The Walking Dead


When The Walking Dead was released in 2010, I thought that these are my type of Zombies. They are chill, and they really don’t like to move. I think the show accurately depicts how Zombies would behave in a world of distraction and fascination with shiny objects. I mean, for the most part, these guys simply stand there or move towards loud sounds.

This sounds exactly like some of the people I have worked with in the past.

However, looks can be deceiving. Although they can’t really open doors, they can definitely tear a man limb for limb with their bare hands. Now go make friends with your brother-in-law who lives in the woods, because you will want him on your side.



World War Z



Strength, speed, and smarts all come together. They are faster and stronger than any Zombie that came before this 2013 release. They can out-think our hero, and they will eat that backwater brother-in-law of yours with hot sauce.

The Zombies just climbed a notch on the evolutionary ladder, which means we fell a step. Don’t sweat it too much. You were never really going to make it anyways.